mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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