Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
