Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
