in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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