conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We have so much sex to catch up on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
