I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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