Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
