I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
