I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
