I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
