i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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