i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
