What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
