I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
