It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
