i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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