Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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