you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There r osticjed everywhere
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
