I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
