Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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