Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
