Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
