Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
