hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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