holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
