If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
