we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
