Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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