Buhtt sex?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
