Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
