Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
