it's like iHOP with fire
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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