Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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