but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
