I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my liver is dry heaving
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
