I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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