Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
false alarm, still single
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
