He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
