Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
