Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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