I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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