i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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