Say something about gay babies.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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