So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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