He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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