my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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