i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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