Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
