he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
