she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
