oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
