I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
