First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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