I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Two words: blizzard sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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