So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
